Lost
by stonesonearth
Summary: "He's different since you left." The other woman paused for a moment. "That's why Sharon broke it off. She doesn't think she's the one who can make him happy." "I know," she said, giving the other woman a rueful smile. "Why do you think I left?" [Captain Hill]


_And as the years have passed, the time has grown longer. The sad truth is that what I could recall in five seconds all too needed ten, then thirty, then a full minute - like shadows lengthening at dusk. Someday, I suppose, the shadows will be swallowed up in darkness."_

 _\- Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood_

* * *

1.

She took out her cell at the same instant she heard someone calling her name from behind. Startled, she stuffed her cell back into her pocket and turned around.

"Maria," said Pepper, warmth and affection in her voice. "I didn't expect to see you here." The other woman took a look at her outfit and added, "Out for a jog?"

"Yeah," she gave Pepper a tiny smile. "What about you?"

"I had coffee with an old friend," Pepper beamed. "I can give you a lift home if you want to."

"Oh, no, it's okay." She said quickly. "I think I want to go for another two rounds."

"Okay then," the CEO smiled serenely. "See you tomorrow."

"See you."

She waited until Pepper left then only she took out her cell again, typing as fast as she could.

2.

"I thought we had a date." The anger in his voice was hard to miss, but she pretended not to notice or care.

"It was just dinner."

"You left me there like an idiot." His voice rose. The lilies he brought with him lie innocently on the floor, forgotten, unwanted. "I waited for you for the entire night. You could at least call me if you decided not to show up."

"I didn't agree to anything and just— just let me remind you once more, Captain; I'm not nice. You shouldn't waste your time or attention on me."

Silence, and then…

"Fine."

He slammed the door so hard that it made her jump. Then, when she was completely, absolutely alone, she fell on knees weakly and finally allowed herself to cry.

 _3._

"I don't think about the past that often nowadays. In fact, I don't really remember the details," she said softly to the man next to her. The once tall, strong and handsome man was now old and frail. He just sat by the window quietly, staring at the people outside. Once again, she had to admit how much she looked like her father. The cold, silver blue eyes were the same ones she saw when she looked into the mirror.

"Neither do you remember them, I believe, since we're so… similar." She smiled ruefully. "That is the resolution, I think, for us."

Andrew Hill stared at her, as though he recognized the young woman in front of him was his daughter. At that moment, Maria felt her shirt was suddenly too tight, her heart beating wild in her chest and she could hardly breathe.

Did he recognize her?

However in the end, Andrew looked away, in the same way he did years ago.

 _4._

Maria placed her mug on the table, and the way steam rising up in wafts from her mug reminded her of the stolen hours Steve and her shared so long ago.

She knew what was coming when she received Natasha's call, so it hardly surprised her when Natasha changed the topic to Steve Rogers.

"He's different since you left." The other woman paused for a moment. "That's why Sharon broke it off. She doesn't think she's the one who can make him happy."

"I know," she said, giving the other woman a rueful smile. "Why do you think I left?"

 _5._

James Barnes was the one who figured out what really happened. She didn't ask how, because she still remembered who he was and what he was capable of.

"Since when?" He asked.

"I don't remember."

Eyes widened. "You don't—"

Shoulders dropped. Tears streamed down.

"Please," she whispered. "Don't tell him."

 _+1._

"She got it from her father, but the symptoms didn't show until he was in his early fifties."

"How long has she known?"

"Barnes said she doesn't remember."

"I should have noticed earlier." He punched the wall. "If I had noticed, perhaps she would be—"

"There was nothing you could have done for her, Steve…"

Awoken by the noise outside, she opened her eyes. Everything was slightly blurred. At the very end of the room, she could make out the silhouettes of two men with their back to her. She squinted, and then the two men were walking towards her. She sat up.

The two men looked vaguely familiar, but she didn't know their names. She wasn't sure if she really knew them, or it was just her being desperate to have a connection with anyone.

One of the men, dark, slightly shorter than the other, gave her a small smile and introduced himself. "The name's Sam. Sam Wilson."

"Sam," she repeated, a bit uncertain. "Nice to meet you."

Something flashed through the dark man's eyes. She felt like she was missing something, although she didn't know how or why. She stared at Sam's face for a very long time, but nothing came to her mind. She groaned, burying her face in her hands before looking up again.

"I know you, right?" She asked, but Sam just smiled.

"It's okay. I— I will leave you two to talk."

After Sam left the room, she turned to the other man. This man had the brightest smile she'd ever seen, but also the deepest sorrow in his eyes. At the moment their eyes met, she felt something stir inside her. She didn't recognize him, but at the same time she felt like she did. The way he looked at her was familiar. The curve of his smile was familiar. His touch was familiar. But she did not remember him.

"Maria—" His voice was raw. "I— I'm Steve."

She understood neither why that name made her smile, nor the heartache she felt at the same time. She felt there was something missing, as if there was something more between this man and her. She felt they had known each other for years. She could see images of a man and a woman together, laughing, smiling, fighting alongside one another and having each other's back. Those moments seemed so real, so vivid and so…

Familiar.

She touched his face. She smiled.

* * *

A/N: Inspired by the movie Still Alice.


End file.
